Love. Joy. Peace.

This year has been a year of growing for me—growing in my understanding of God, my love for Him, and His love for me. I feel like for the first time in my life I’m finally getting it. Knowing how infinite God is, my finally “getting it” is probably just one grain of sand on the whole huge beach. None the less, it’s been amazing.

One of the things I’ve come to understand this year is that living for God isn’t about rules and regulations. It isn’t about a code of morality that you adhere to. Yeah, that stuff is most definitely a part of the whole. But it’s not the whole at all. I think I used to follow God and His rules because I was supposed to. Yes, I loved Him, and it made sense to me, but a lot of my motivation was that it’s what I was supposed to do. But this year, I have started to see that it’s about the relationship. I’ve heard that before, and I’ve always agreed with it, but I’ve seen the reality of it so much more. The interesting thing is, the relationship ties in with the “rules,” per say. You can’t really have one without the other. Hmmm… I’m losing how to say what I’m thinking here… This is where a good quote can step in (as usual with me!):

In Searching for God Knows What, Donald Miller says:

“The hijacking of the concept of morality began, of course, when we reduced Scripture to formula and a love story to theology, and finally morality to rules. It is a very different thing to break a rule than it is to cheat on a lover. A person’s mind can do all sorts of things his heart would never let him do. If we think of God’s grace as a technicality, a theological precept, we can disobey without the slightest feeling of guilt, but if we think of God’s grace as a relational invitation, an outreach of love, we are pretty much jerks for belittling the gesture. …When I run a stop sign, for example, I am breaking a law against a system of rules, but if I cheat on my wife, I have broken a law against a person. The first is impersonal; the latter is intensely personal.” (p. 438-439 in his Greatest Hits collection)

Just the other day, I was talking to a friend about how when we sin we’re essentially cheating on God. And I’m not really talking about those blatant sins we think of when we talk about sinning (although that applies too). I’m talking about the sins of the heart: Bitterness, and Self-Hatred, and Jealousy, and Fear… When we entertain those sins, we are choosing Satan’s lies (his Law) over God’s truth (His Law). And when that’s all broken down into formula, theology, and rules, it’s really not that big of a deal. But when we realize it’s about a relationship, it becomes a big deal.

A few months ago, I made a huge effort to finally get rid of Fear in my life. I decided that I was sick of accepting what Fear had to say above what God had to say. It hasn’t really been about “rules” or doing “what I’m supposed to do.” I chose to let go of Fear because I chose to believe that God is God, and I am not, and He deserves to be followed and believed and loved. And the most amazing thing has happened. Every time I repent of Fear and Stress (and I do mean multiple times—it’s not easy!), He replaces all that with the craziest, biggest sense of Peace and Joy and Love that I have ever felt in my life. And I haven’t repented in order to get that—I haven't even expected it. I repented because I decided to choose God. And He surprised me with that blessing. Either I’m manifesting Satan’s kingdom (Bitterness, Rejection, Fear, Self-Hatred, etc.) or I’m manifesting God’s kingdom (Love, Joy, Peace, etc.). By removing Fear, I’ve made room for God’s kingdom.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

His Peace truly does transcend all understanding. My situation doesn’t necessarily change, but when I choose God, my heart is filled with His Peace, Love, and Joy. It’s incredible and undeniably amazing. I am finally just beginning to grasp how much He loves us, and I can’t help but share it.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 4:17-19)

Catching Up

My goodness! Time flies! I haven't written an entry in over two months! Finally, though, I am entering my slow season (thank God for that!) and I have a chance to sit and catch up.

Let's see... Some of you may wonder how I've been doing on my new lease on life. Well, I've been doing better! I still catch myself getting caught up in the busyness of just living, but I've found some opportunities to live a little more. Shortly after that entry, Matt and I had the opportunity to spend a day together (he had it off, and I was in between jobs... more on that in a sec), so we lived it up the best we could, despite the cold, rainy weather. We decided to scout the downtown area, where I would be training for a while, and in the process discovered a covered walkway that runs all the way from Fourth Street Live to the Galt House Hotel! So we took that and snooped around the big, luxurious hotel. Then, we headed to Frankfort Avenue, where there are lots of cute boutiques, antique stores, and unique restaurants. We found an awesome pottery shop called Pottery Rowe. The artist, Melvin Rowe, was there working on some Christmas ornaments. There is some amazing stuff there! I absolutely love pottery. I used to make it when I was in college. I would give anything to have the chance to work on a potter's wheel again... ah... so therapeutic. After that, we explored the campuses of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary. They're both in a beautiful area with lots of pretty houses.

Then, my parents and brother came for Thanksgiving.

It was a lot of fun to have them here! We spent a little bit of time back at the Frankfort Avenue area, and discovered a model train shop! That was SO fun! My brother and I had an HO scale train set when we were kids (we still do, but it's boxed up now). We had so much fun building it, painting the landscape, adding trees and grass, racing the cars, building mountains, etc. etc. Needless to say, we really enjoyed being around that stuff again.

Christmas was different this year. I was only able to make it home for a day and a half. We tried to make it home in time for the annual neighborhood Christmas party, but bad weather all through Ohio and Michigan turned our 7 hour trip into 11 1/2 hours. :( We spent Christmas Eve at home, and Christmas day I flew back to Louisville, leaving Matt behind to enjoy some more time with his family. I had to work the day after Christmas. I'm really glad I did get to spend a little bit of time at home though!

So did you catch that I have a new job? Haha... Yep, I'm a part time teller at a bank now. I had been working at a portrait studio. It's been an interesting change. I think it will be nice to not be doing photography related work 24/7 now. Now I can focus on what I want to do with photography and enjoy it more!

So that's why I was incognito for a while. I had full time training for the new job, then it was the holidays on top of the adjusting to the job. Now I'm back in business! I'm looking forward to what lies ahead in this new year. I'm sure it will bring many new and exciting things!

Now, before I head off to work on my website updates (stay posted!), I'd like to share a quote from Ronald J. Sider's book, "Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger." I've been reading it lately, and this part really jumped out at me today. He's talking about social injustices, but I really think that this principle applies to the grander scheme of things too. Some food for thought!

"However, living differently...by no means involves trying to do everything. We each have our own unique gifts and calling. God wants many of us to fast and pray about social sin. Most should study, and many should write and speak out. Some should join and support organizations promoting social justice. Others should run for political office. All of us should ask how changes in our personal lifestyle could help model a better world. But God does not want anyone to feel guilty for not doing everything--or for taking time off for relaxation and recreation. Everyone should prayerfully ask God what limited, specific things God wants him or her to concentrate on. It was God, after all, who made us finite with only twenty-four hours each day. Being called to do all God wants us to do to correct social sin is not a heavy burden. It is an invitation to joy and meaning in life, an occasion for blessing our neighbors, and a wondrous opporutnity to be a coworker with the Lord of history."

LIVE!

I visited my parents a few weeks ago. While I was there, I stopped by at the home of a friend of my mom's to help her out with a computer question she had. To give you a little background, this friend, Ms. Stone, is an amazing pianist and wonderful piano teacher in my hometown (my mom is also a piano teacher). She is originally from Louisville, so she was telling me about all the wonderful things she did while she was there. Then she started asking me questions. "Do you go to Iroquois Park much?" Um... no. "Do you go to the concerts at UofL? They have a lot of free events!" Um... I've been meaning to, but no... Etc. Etc. She paused, then looked at me and said something I'll never forget: "You aren't living! You're just existing." Ouch! But so true! I have all these things that I'd love to do around here (most of which are free): spend time at a park, attend concerts, see a ballet, spend time by the river, do the trolley gallery hop, find a good stargazing spot, play in the fountain... The list goes on. And I'm not doing them! I'm always "busy." But with what? Existing, that's what. So I'm taking out a new lease on life. The laundry can wait. I can give up an hour of sleep here and there. Dinner doesn't have to be magnificent. I'm going to LIVE! I'm going to take advantage of opportunities while I have them. I won't be perfect at this, but I'm going to try!

So thank you, Ms. Stone. I needed to hear that.

Glory

"We grow in glory so that we might assist others in doing so; we give our glory to increase theirs."
(The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge, p. 158)

I've been reading The Ransomed Heart, a collection of devotional readings from John Eldredge's works, and that line caught my eye the other day. It kind of reminded me of one of my favorite quotes, "The glory of God is man fully alive" (St. Irenaeus). I've really been trying to apply that in my life lately, praying daily that God would help me to be more alive. I know that would give Him glory, but I forget that by doing that I can also help others. When we become more alive ("grow in glory"), others see that and are also inspired ("to increase theirs"), and both of those--together and individually--definitely are the glory of God.

Along those same lines, I read this morning:

"Somehow, we human beings are never happier than when we are expressing the deepest gifts that are truly us... God created us and our gifts for a place of his choosing, and we will only be ourselves when we are finally there."
(Quoted from Os Guinness, The Journey of Desire by Eldredge, p. 152-54)

Maybe that's part of being more alive? Finding our gifts, our passions, our deepest heart's desires; and living in them.

What are your gifts? Your glory?